Pastor?

¹¹ The gifts he gave were that some would be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, ¹² to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, ¹³ until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ. ¹⁴ We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. ¹⁵ But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him… Eph 4

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my role as pastor, or is it former pastor? I do not currently have a formal pulpit in a church. I am not currently licensed with a denomination. Back in 2006 I was ordained by the denomination that had previously given me the training and the license to be called a pastor within their organization– so am I still “ordained”?

According to the denomination that gave me the pieces of paper and the accompanying ceremonies for my licensing and subsequent ordination, I need to be serving in an officially recognized pastoral role and current on my annual fee to be called pastor. So be it. I will not argue that I am not currently a recognized “pastor” within that body as I closed the doors to my church two years ago and (by the Holy Spirit’s promptings) have not renewed my license with the denomination.

And other than the annoying “Do not reply” automated emails reminding me to send in my renewal fees, I have not heard anything from them—confirmation.

Originally, when I was discussing the prospect of closing the church after having hit a wall, being exhausted after twenty years of Bi-vocational ministry and listening to the council of my superiors who suggested I take a break… (For the record, I did not want to close the church, I was initially asking for help to carry the load but none was forthcoming and when it was suggested that I close the church my spirit bore witness that it was time.) Anyway, while I was being counseled to take a break I was told that it may take a couple years to recover, or that I “might never be called pastor again.”

That line seared itself into my mind and stayed there-“You might never be called pastor again…”. At the time, as exhausted and discouraged as I was, I wasn’t sure I wanted to argue the point. But it sure didn’t sit right with me.

In a formal sense, within that organization, it may very well be true. But, bottom line, It is not man who called me, it is not man who ordained me, it is God, whom through His Holy Spirit began calling and preparing me many years before the position became official and affirmed many times and in many ways that it is so.

I did not seek this title/position in the body of Christ, not did I want it. In the years proceeding my answering the call, the more I learned of the incredible responsibility and challenges of this office in the body of Christ, the more determined I became to skirt my calling.

But I could not continue to kick against the goads and I embraced the title, and the three years of night classes, as a gift to the one who saved me, me a barbarian with a Bible who was gifted so much forgiveness and mercy. I had to share what I was so freely given and if it was in a pastoral role, so be it.

At my ordination ceremony, in a large a room full of others being ordained with all their families attending, I had a supernatural experience that mere words cannot come close to describing, but I’ll try. In short, I found myself to be in the Spirit during the worship that preceded the message and commissioning, and found myself in the presence of the Lord in a place where there was no time, yet we were in all time at once. I did not see Him but I felt His presence and heard His voice. He covenanted with me that I was being set apart for this purpose and that I could never be separated from Him nor negate my call.

So, I have no doubt that I am still Pastor.

This is not a point of pride, nor of boasting. It is an enormous responsibility and that is what I wrestle with. Because, in spite of what was told me by church leadership, many still call me pastor.

It is a responsibility I cannot not hide from, as much as I sometimes think I would like to. But when those whom I have had the privilege of ministering to over the years still look to me as a pastor, seeking comfort, fellowship, answers—when I see and sense the hunger in the souls of those I have come to love, those I have invested in, I cannot but ache to love them for Jesus, to shepherd for The Shepherd.

Everywhere I go, whether people knew me when I was preaching every Sunday, or whether they just recently came to know me, when they find out that I was a pastor, they somehow totally miss the was part, jump right into the current tense and expect me to have the answer to their questions concerning anything biblical or the challenges they are facing.

And I try to always give an answer for the hope that is in me, as all us who believe are commanded to do. But, as pastor, I feel the weight of my answers so much heavier because so many put a lot of stock in my words. Which, I suppose is why God gave us pastors among the many gifts he gave the church-to provide some answers and, more importantly, point to the One who has them.

…some would be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, ¹² to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, Eph 4

What about you?

Might I be so presumptuous as to suggest that all of us who love Christ should find ourselves in one of those categories? Are you being called to pastor, to teach, to evangelize, to prophecy?

Step up, answer the call; train, work, practice, get godly advice, study the word, pray, spend time in prayer and fasting—and do it. Speak the truth in love.  A truth spoken in love is a truth that is heard!

Do not let man nor institutions hold you back. Do not let fear hold you back. If He can use this barbarian he can use you! The one who calls us is faithful and true, and He knows us far better than we know ourselves. The Kingdom needs you, the church needs you. We need each other and there is a whole world out there who needs Jesus!

People are hungry. Those who know Jesus are hungry for truth and direction, and those who don’t know Jesus are hungry for truth and purpose. God calls us to help point everyone to Him. The sorry state of the church today is not a lack of thirsty souls, it is a lack of those pointing the way, honestly, truthfully and lovingly, to the Living Water!

That said, please pray for me brothers and sisters as I seek the face of the Lord for direction in this next season. I am pastor, and I want to be where my King needs me to be. I am but a humble servant who’s heart breaks for those whom the Lord’s heart breaks.

For the record, I hold no ill feelings toward the denomination that I served in for nearly four decades, even long before I was called pastor, but the Kingdom is so much bigger than a denomination, so whether it’s there or elsewhere, I just need to preach. I have no right, as servant called of God, not to.

Again; Speak the truth in love.  A truth spoken in love is a truth that is heard!

Step up and answer His call no matter what they say.